literature

[Elarias] 1. The Note

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Literature Text

By: Ivory Noire

"It’s too cold to be outside.” Sven muttered, while shuddering from the frosty breeze.
He rubbed his hands together as he silently cursed himself. It was stupid that he was out at this time of the night. He could have been in bed dreaming of better things. The thought of returning home and drinking a hot cup of cocoa sounded much more appealing, but he was there for a reason.

Wait, why was he there?

“Oh yeah…” he whispered.

A few days ago, he found a strange note in his pants pocket. It had no signature of the writer, and the handwriting was barely legible. The only thing Sven could make out of the letters was the date, time, and location: 12/13 at 11:59 – Aislinville Park.
At first, he was skeptical. How did the note ever get in his pocket? He tried to recall any direct contact when someone could have slipped it there, but nothing came to mind. Curiosity had the best of him, so there he was standing in the bitter cold, waiting for his cell phone to strike the designated time.
He sighed at plopped onto the bench.  This better be worth it. There was nothing more that he hated than wasting his time.
In the end, the clock struck 12:00, and he saw no signs or any changes to his surroundings.

Sven scoffed, “Forget this. I’m heading home.”

But as soon as he stood up, he felt an overwhelming pressure filling into his head. He staggered, trying to keep his balance, but it was if something was pulling him down through the earth. The world seemed to tilt and turn, tossing him about, trying to shake him off.

“Ugh… w-what’s happening to me!?” Sven began seeing vivid colors flashing before his eyes. He clutched his chest because if felt like his heart was tearing apart along with his mind.
Quiet darkness replaced the chaos until a sweet giggle echoed what was left of his consciousness.

“Say goodbye, Sven.” A voice cooed. “You’re going to a much better place.”
Hello, there!

Elarias is a story I wrote for a friend, because he wanted to see how he'd be in a story. ; u ; Then it kind of was tucked away. Life got pretty hectic last year.

This storyis a little frustrating, because I've never been good at building worlds from scratch (thus, I rarely write fantasy). I also had a problem because I have two other story ideas that have a similar concept. I''ll probably end up just writing them as a chronicle: three stories, same idea and then tie them together. Or a trilogy?

But um, yeah. I hope you enjoy this story if this kind of story is your thing. Any advice, criticism, comments, honey, or coca-cola would be awesome. :D I want to improve.
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venort's avatar
interesting start! the wording is a little clumsy in places (repetition of the word 'time' and I think that should be a comma and not a period after the first line of dialogue, with 'while' replaced by another comma, but I'm not 100% on that second part), but on the whole this is pretty okay. :D